


Feverish Old Loves

by Polomonkey



Series: In Spite of Everything, the Stars [4]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Epistolary, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Letters, M/M, Romance, Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-08-23 18:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20247316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polomonkey/pseuds/Polomonkey
Summary: Merlin and Arthur write home to their loved ones.





	Feverish Old Loves

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mushroomtale](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mushroomtale/gifts).

> Dearest Mushroom, this is my 100th fic in the Merlin fandom and who else could I gift it to you than you? I don't know what my fandom experience would be like without you - you've been a collaborator, a mentor, an inspiration, and a terrible influence ;) I feel so lucky to have met you and I hope we never stop working together!  
I wanted to post this In Spite snippet for your birthday and then got horribly stressed out thinking about adding to this collab that has been so important to me... but it calmed me down to remember that I don't think this collab will ever really be over if it's something we want to come back to! So I hope you enjoy this tiny sequel, and ilu lots bb *hugs*
> 
> And huge and over-emotional thanks to all the other lovely friends and creators that I have met over the past hundred fics - Merlin is the best fandom I've ever been a part of and that's down to you amazing people! <333

~ Kuntur Wassi Colca Hotel ~

~ Arequipa, Cabanaconde 04124, Peru ~

Arthur!

Went out to get breakfast. If I’m not back by eleven, assume a handsome Peruvian swept me off my feet for a life of quinoa farming and Pisco sours. Please try to respect mine and Roberto’s happiness.

Merlin x

P.S. You were drooling when I left but you still looked cute, how is that possible?

* * *

Hi Gwen!

Here is an awful postcard from the insanely beautiful Colca Canyon. There were actual nice ones but I thought you’d appreciate this hideous alpaca more (does it remind you of Arthur?). Anyway take my word for it, the canyon is stunning and the people here are ridiculously nice. All Peruvians can’t be this lovely, right? It’s like a nation of yous! Love Merlin xx

Merlin has left me no space so all I have room to say is I do not look like an alpaca, and also his Spanish is still terrible so he’s lucky I haven’t abandoned him down the canyon. Hope all is well with you! Arthur x

* * *

Dear Ai,

Please keep the letters up, it makes me feel all fancy to receive them! Besides the internet connection can be loose and I usually have to use magic to give it a boost – and there’s much more interesting things to do with magic here. We visited Bolivia recently and I met up with a group of sun magicians (which is sort of just a catch-all name here for any magic connected with the earth) and they taught me some amazing things about environmental magic. I also forced Arthur to do a three day hike with me last month to reach this tiny settlement near the Andes where these two old sisters live who perform bonding rituals for health and prosperity. The language barrier was tricky but Arthur helped translate and we shared a lot of resources. I’m feeling rejuvenated already! And it’s nice to be somewhere no one knows us.

How’s business in Kyoto? The snake man sounds amazing! I want to hear how you do the cobra. I had another idea for a tattoo while I was here so don’t be surprised if I pay a visit to your shop next year… Your new roommate sounds lovely, although I hope the ramen thing is just a phase. And aww yes, say hi to Yui for me, I miss her a lot!

元気でね

Merlin

* * *

To: [elyanbaxter@gmail.com](mailto:elyanbaxter@gmail.com)

From: [arthurpdraig@gmail.com](mailto:arthurpdraig@gmail.com)

Re: A bit of news

Hi Elyan,

Just a quick email as we’re making our last stop before Chan Chan tomorrow but had to say congratulations on the new job! So pleased for you. We’ll have to have a celebratory drink when I’m back in the UK.

Also yes about the ito/a thing! It’s done all over but especially in the Andes. Theirs is much slower spoken than the coastal Spanish too. I find the accent harder to understand but it’s definitely getting easier. I’ve picked up a bit of Quechua and am hoping to improve, even if Merlin says my accent sounds like I’ve swallowed a parrot.

Anyway Merlin got his because he used ‘coger’ when he was telling our Mexican friends how we took the train, and was horribly confused by their laughter.

Speak soon,

Arthur

* * *

To: 00 44 7587 576932

From: 51 978234587

Edwin! Is tonight any good, around 6pm your time? The Skype connection is ropey here (we’re visiting Ecuador for a week) but I think I can give it a little magical assistance. Also please inform Freya I’m never speaking to her again for telling you all how I accidentally said I fucked a train (it was extremely traumatic…) Merlin x

* * *

To: [john.maxwell@prestonandhowell.org.uk](mailto:john.maxwell@prestonandhowell.org.uk)

From: [arthurpdraig@gmail.com](mailto:arthurpdraig@gmail.com)

Re: Ref 2504: Uther Pendragon visitation request

Dear John,

Thank you for forwarding on my father’s request. I’m afraid my position on this has not changed and I have no interest in making a visit at the present time.

Kind regards,

Arthur

* * *

To: 00 44 7564 488112

From: 51 978234587

I don’t think we get UK news here, why? I’ll check when I go down for breakfast xx

* * *

To: [hartleycroftk@parliament.uk](mailto:hartleycroftk@parliament.uk)

From: [arthurpdraig@gmail.com](mailto:arthurpdraig@gmail.com)

Re: Open privately – sensitive information

Hello Kara,

Thank you for your email, I really appreciate the warning. Unfortunately it arrived too late – the hotel we’re in currently gets CNN and Merlin saw the report on the new charges.

He is very distressed, as you can imagine. He is also worried about being called to testify again – can you shed any legal light on that possibility? He says that Val and Cenred did very briefly reference a previous murder they’d committed on the first day he met them but he didn’t know then if there was any truth to it. Would that be enough to have him called as a witness?

Please keep me updated with any developments from the case, and thanks again.

Arthur

* * *

To: [hunithemrys@btopenworld.com](mailto:hunithemrys@btopenworld.com)

From: [emryschatsworth@gmail.com](mailto:emryschatsworth@gmail.com)

Re: (no subject)

Hi Mum,

I know you don’t want an apology but I’m sorry about the other night. I completely forgot the time difference and being woken up by your hysterical son at 4am probably wasn’t the nicest way to start your day off.

I’m feeling better today. A bit. Or at least getting over the shock of seeing them on TV like that. I’ve felt so far away from all of that out here and it was just like a horrible reminder that it’s never really going to go away, is it?

Kara rang this morning to say I won’t be called to testify, it’s not relevant to my case and the prosecution has their own witnesses. I didn’t think it was likely but I’m relieved anyway, I don’t think I could have faced them again. I hope they get life this time. I keep thinking about that poor man and what he went through and then selfishly I keep thinking it could have been me and I start panicking again and it’s like I can’t get it to stop.

But I am okay. Arthur is looking after me and we’re taking it easy for the next few days. Please don’t worry about me, I am coping and I’m glad I’m not in England right now, even if I miss you a lot.

I’ll call on Saturday,

Love Merlin xxx

* * *

To: [mithianeverett@albionclinic.org.uk](mailto:mithianeverett@albionclinic.org.uk)

From: [arthurpdraig@gmail.com](mailto:arthurpdraig@gmail.com)

Re: Our next appointment

Dear Mithian,

I know I don’t have a Skype appointment scheduled until next week but you said I could email anytime if I needed, so I hope you weren’t just being polite.

Merlin is in a bad way. I don’t know if you saw it on the news but the two men who assaulted him in Yorkshire have been charged with the murder of a Magical security guard who went missing last year. They’re already serving twelve years so there’ll be a new trial for this.

We saw it on the news by chance and Merlin had a severe panic attack, worse than the restaurant one. We went back to the hotel room and haven’t left it much in the last few days. He says he’s feeling better but he had terrible nightmares last night and he’s lost most of his appetite.

I feel responsible. I am responsible, there’s no feel about it. I should be in prison the same as those men and it was only Merlin’s grace that kept me out. But how can I live with myself when I see what I’ve done to him?

I know your job isn’t to tell me what to do. But please, tell me what to do.

Arthur

* * *

To: 00 44 7272 373453

From: 51 978234587

Thank you for calling mum, I love you so much xxx

* * *

To: [mithianeverett@albionclinic.org.uk](mailto:mithianeverett@albionclinic.org.uk)

From: [arthurpdraig@gmail.com](mailto:arthurpdraig@gmail.com)

Re: Recent session

Dear Mithian,

Thank you so much for Skyping with us both. We discussed it and Merlin would like to attend one session a month with me from now on. We have some things we’d like to work on as a couple.

Best wishes,

Arthur

* * *

To: [freyalaughlan@gmail.com](mailto:freyalaughlan@gmail.com)

From: [emryschatsworth@gmail.com](mailto:emryschatsworth@gmail.com)

Re: Bit and bobs

Hi Frey,

Sorry for dropping out of contact. I hope I didn’t worry you guys back at home too much (even Morgause texted me! Be honest, did Edwin put her up to it? It definitely read like someone had a gun to her back and was forcing her to type out get well soon platitudes :D)

Your emails helped a lot, it was nice keeping up to date with all the normal things going on at the Institute. Though now I’m back in touch you promised to tell me who this girl you’re seeing is! My first guess was Kara but you dropped the Mordred bombshell – which by the way, I half think they’re gonna make a really good couple, and half think Kara’s going to eat his head after sex like a praying mantis…

It’s taken me a few weeks but I am genuinely feeling more or less okay again. Something that really helped was having a couple of Skype sessions with Arthur’s therapist Mithian. I didn’t realise how much I needed to talk to someone neutral about the whole situation (I think when I get back home I should probably find a therapist of my own. Mithian is going to do some couple stuff for me and Arthur but I could probably do with talking to someone myself who doesn’t know Arthur at all)

One of the things Mithian said was that the kidnap was like this huge thing between us and we were dealing with it by pretending it wasn’t there, that we’d moved on from it. She said maybe it was time to stop thinking of it as something we could ever move on from. That we should accept it’s always going to be there between us and we’re choosing to deal with it together.

I’ve been thinking about that a lot since then. Because for ages I felt like I had to defend this (mad, let’s face it) thing I’d done to everyone who disapproved. And the best way of doing that was to minimise it, even in my own head. Seeing Val and Cenred on the news ripped all that apart for me – I couldn’t minimise it because it was right there, and it hit me much harder.

So no more minimising. I just have to accept that it was a mad decision I made but it was my decision. And to stop trying to make it look rational or sane to anyone else. Because honestly, Freya, I don’t regret it. Things aren’t perfect with Arthur but I don’t regret it at all. I wish we’d met under different circumstances but then he wouldn’t be who he is today and neither would I. I couldn’t ever wish that away.

I hope you’re well and I miss you loads. Write back soon.

Love Merlin xx

* * *

Dear Father,

You will never read this letter.

My therapist suggested I write it – not to send, but to say all the things I always wanted to say. Yes, I have a therapist now. I can imagine how disgusted that would make you. You always thought asking for help was weak. But I ask for help a lot nowadays. I ask my friend for career advice. I ask my therapist for emotional support.

I ask Merlin to stay by my side and keep on loving me.

Something happened recently to bring it all back to him, the terrible things that you planned and I carried out. And he was hurting and I was terrified and I thought I might lose him. But we asked for help. And we talked. And we listened. And we came through it.

It was hard. It won’t be the last hard time we have. But we’ll get through the next one too.

I love him. He makes me happy. I know that would also disgust you. But what you think doesn't matter to me anymore. You will never read this letter.

Arthur

* * *

To: [gwainegreen@hotmail.co.uk](mailto:gwainegreen@hotmail.co.uk); [elenagaarder@gmail.com](mailto:elenagaarder@gmail.com)

From: [emryschatsworth@gmail.com](mailto:emryschatsworth@gmail.com)

Cc: [arthurpdraig@gmail.com](mailto:arthurpdraig@gmail.com)

Re: Our new flat (and new adoptee!)

Ahhh you guys, the flat looks amazing! Elena, I cannot believe you got him to settle in one place! Arthur says the dog must have helped, which I have to agree with, she is so cute. We’re now debating our own when we get home but I don’t think we’ll settle for a while because Arthur wants a border collie he can train and take for runs, and I want a little fat lapdog to snooze on the sofa with me all day.

A visit soon is not out of the question! We’re making plans to wrap up our trip here, though we still have a few places we want to see (one of which is the Palace of the Princess Gwaine, which I’m sure will be amusing to you given your nickname for Arthur). I can’t believe it’s nearly over, we had our ups and downs but it’s probably been the best year of my life all told. I feel like I understand myself more than ever – like this is the first bit of time I’ve just had to be me and see who that is.

But London is calling to us. My magic has been feeling kind of itchy of late, I can’t really describe it, but it’s telling me I have work to do back home. I think I’m refreshed enough now for the challenge.

Lots of love and hopefully see you in a couple of months,

Merlin (and Arthur) x

* * *

Hi Gwen!

The two week countdown is on to your big day! What better way to celebrate than with another hideous alpaca postcard? (Yes, I did tell Arthur it looked like him again, and yes, he is sulking again). Anyway so sorry to be those annoying wedding guests who RSVP at the last minute but Arthur managed to get us an earlier flight so yes! We’ll be there! Love Merlin xx

So excited to be with you at your wedding and looking forward to meeting the infamous Morgana (did you let her plan the honeymoon? Will it be in Skegness?). Take care until then and ready yourself for the biggest piñata you’ve ever seen, we weren’t joking about bringing you one back… Arthur x

* * *

~Hotel Antigua Miraflores~

~Miraflores, Av Grau 350, Lima, Peru~

Merlin,

Went to reception to arrange the airport taxi for tomorrow. I’ll bring back breakfast.

Can’t believe it’s our last day! I’ll write this down because you’ll call me corny if I say it but this has been the best year I’ve ever had. I love you in every hotel in every country in every language – every day for the rest of our lives.

Yours, always,

Arthur

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
